Home Sweet Home

Hi Folks!

Important Newsflash: Massachusetts, my home state and the first to legalize gay marriage, is also the first state to sue the U.S. government today over a federal law that defines marriage as a union between a man and a woman!

This AP article states, the federal Defense of Marriage Act interferes with the right of Massachusetts to define and regulate marriage as it sees fit, Massachusetts Attorney General Martha Coakley said. The 1996 law denies federal recognition of gay marriage and gives states the right to refuse to recognize same-sex marriages performed in other states. 

"They are entitled to equal treatment under the laws regardless of whether they are gay or straight," says Coakley.

See? One thing about us "bleeding heart liberal" Massholes is that we aren't afraid to tell people about themselves. We even take immense pleasure in doing it to each other, and our accent gets even HAHDER the more pissed off we get. 

Photo: Adriane Herman/Slop Art

Rock on, MASSHOLES!

xo

AHS

copyright Vivian Manning-Schaffel all rights reserved

Stop. Loss.

Hey Bitches!

Stop. Loss.

Last week, we lost three big time 70s icons -- Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and ...the ultimate curveball .. the gloved one, Sir Michael Jackson. Talk about a trilogy of terror. I think I speak for us all when I say...Holy Shit. Capitalized.  The more that comes out about the state of his existence at the time of his passing, well...it hardly sounds like any kind of life at all.  And what's fucked up is the truth about the monstrosities he'd been accused of may very well right die with him. We'll see. Personally, I'm in shock. He's gone but with all the hub-bub, he still feels very much alive to me. Probably will for a while to come.

This latest celebri-exodus has me thinking about how their passing effects us mere mortals and why. When characters that are larger than life end their lives, we do more than remember their contributions to our lives, no matter how great or miniscule. Their departures invariably serve as a marker in time --a day that we'll always remember. Who could forget where they were when Elvis Presley or Princess Diana died? I was in my parents bedroom taking in the former, holed up in my friend Alex's apartment for the latter. 

Unless you're trapped under something heavy at the time, most of us experience a vivid recollection of where we were when we got the news that a major celeb passed away. It forces us to take a gander around, examine the current contents of our lives, reflect and perhaps even genuflect upon who's around us -- even if it's on a subway platform. I guess that's the good that comes out of such loss, right? 

The X in Sexy

Perez Hilton reports Peter David's X-Factor, 45 - a best-selling X-Men related title - goes where no D.C. or Marvel Comic has gone before: man-on-man action between Rictor and Shatterstar!

Though their relationship has been hinted at throughout the series, the panel confirms their deeper feelings, and David says, "No, it’s not a fake out. A number of people seem to be concerned that Star is still under Cortex’s control. Or that Rictor is going to freak out the next panel and say, 'Dude, what the hell?' That would be cheap. I don’t do cheap. Okay, sometimes I do, but not this time. I’m not interested in having people say, 'Peter David introduced this and then chickened out.' 

No pussying around for that guy! Literally!

Michael Jackson Fan Bitch Slapped!

"Sometimes it happens, especially when you've had a little too much to drink."

Thanks to my sweeties at Fart On Tits!

Ask A Hag Supreme!

Want to know how to snag a good gay? Cruise on over to Out About Brooklyn and read my monthly column!

That's it for now babies. Happy, happy 4th!

With all my love,

xoxo

A. H. S.

Everyone Dances But Anderson Cooper

Kelly Ripa Doesn't Wear Cute Outfits Like This!

Jus' LURVE how our AnderMan is slowly creeping OUT.

Happy Friday, bitches!

xx
MM

Pride! Pride! Pride!

Howdy Do Sweeties!

Happy Pride Week Bitches! As ever your faithful Hagatha, I look forward to taking it to the streets, holding your hand. Here, see? How pretty I am in pink? Oh! That's usually a question you ask me.

Speaking of questions big and small (no, really, BIG and small), take note -- I've gone all virtual and shit. My column, Ask A Hag Supreme is featured monthly on OUT ABOUT BROOKLYN! Want to know what's happening in the LGBT community from BAM to Bushwick? Toiling through ISH after ISH with your boy/girl/hag? Don't get all shy on my ass. Write in with your questions and we'll fix your dilemma Hag style, STAT. 'Cos that's how a good Hag do. 

Chaz Is For Charles

According to TMZ, Chastity Bono,  civil rights advocate, journalist, author and child of the ULTIMATE gay icon Cher, is in the early stages of changing his gender -- transitioning from female to male.

Bono, the child of legendary entertainers Sonny and Cher, began the process earlier this year, shortly after his 40th birthday.

"Yes, it's true -- Chaz, after many years of consideration, has made the courageous decision to honor his true identity," confirmed Bono's publicist, Howard Bragman.

"He is proud of his decision and grateful for the support and respect that has already been shown by his loved ones. It is Chaz's hope that his choice to transition will open the hearts and minds of the public regarding this issue, just as his 'coming out' did nearly 20 years ago. We ask that the media respect Chaz's privacy during this long process as he will not be doing any interviews at this time."

Congrats! I hope he eventually does give an interview though. Part of being out is speaking out!

Tony Tony Tonys!

What an action packed evening! First, the eternally lovely Neil Patrick Harris did a phenomenal job of hosting. He serves as the perfect example that an actor can come out, keep a job playing a straight man and climb a rung professionally. So kiss BOTH rrs in Harris, ol' musty closet dwellers. 

Next, I recognize the night's first winner, Roger Robinson, as the nice man I spent hours upon hours chatting with while stranded waiting for the same flight at LAX last November. 

Then at the end of the Rock of Ages medley, I hear the Hub say, "Holy Shit! Did you see that?!" And we proceeded to rewind Bret Michaels getting clotheslined by the set about a thousand times. It was the perfect live telecast!

Now, Michaels' reps are bitching to MTV.com that the Tonys blew off the severity of his injuries. "I find it surprising that a Tony spokesperson would brush off this incident with a comment stating 'Mr. Michaels missed his mark' with no mention of concern for his condition," the spokesperson said. "We realize the show is live and must go on, however, it is unfortunate that the show's host made light of the situation without having any knowledge of the severity of Bret's injuries."

Uh, perhaps Bret should look alive then because he seemed mighty content to stay front and center while the rest of his band had the wherewithal to beat a hasty retreat before the set changed.

 

Here it is if you missed it. It's so good, it just never gets old.

MTV Shows

Okay, enough talk of straight fugly men. Let's now turn our thoughts to matters more attractive, shall we?

Hag Of The Week: Megan Fox

Just Jared posted that, when asked how she would stop the ruthless Megatron from demolishing the world, foxy Megan Fox told Total Film UK that she would “barter with him.”

She then went on to say, "instead of the entire planet, can you just take out all the white trash, hilbilly, anti-gay, supre bible-beating people in Middle America?" Beauty AND brains too! Well, I'll give her beauty and a wise observation.

A Gay Old Time

Hang in there past the first minute! It's well worth it.

That's it for now! Happy Happy Pride!

xo

MC

Killer Queen

Why, Hallo Hags and Hag Magnets!

You could practically hear the collective moan as Kris Allen was dubbed winner of last night's American Idol finale.

Idol producers pulled out all the stops last night with tons of cameo appearances from Steve 

Martin to the Black Eyed Peas. My personal highlight was a tear-jerking duet between two incredibly gifted Hags, Allison Ireheta and Cyndi Lauper. That Baby Hag held her own and brought down the HAWSE! And during his Idol jam, Adam did his best maquillage, caged his shoulder pads and worked it out with mens who wear more makeup than he does, KISS!

The final performance of "We Are The Champions" with Queen was practically staged for Lambert's victory. Personally, my wet dream would've been to see Lambert come OUT and do "Killer Queen" balls to the fucking wall, right before donning his commemorative tiara and frenching the fuck out of Simon Cowell. 

Poor 'lil Krissy's sophomoric looks and chops were painfully displaced next to Brian May's signature frizz (how does it get higher with each year?) and raucous licks. Sure, he's cute in a mild-mannered high school track star kind of way. And even more endearing, his aw-shucks appeal is for reals, as he was the first to announce the win "should be Adam's." Demonstrating the humility claimed by his faith as practice, the good Christian boy made it hard to hate him for winning. 

But with each tongue-thrust, one felt Adam - whether intentionally or not - was screaming for his rights and for that reason, the entire gay and gay friendly community had a vested interest in his win. Today Lambert would be chosen by America as reigning Queen of the ultimate, televised prom, tomorrow gays would be allowed to marry in all 50 states and senseless bigotry against the gay community would cease. We would have found proverbial The Rainbow Connection. Sigh. That day was not yesterday. But with Lambert's monumental ascent, there's hope for tomorrow.

In the meantime, we have to sate ourselves with this lam-ay luscious throbbing Euro-dance track, sure to turn your disco balls blue!

Now onto lighter topics....

Biel's Schpiel

Ho Snap!

I jus' loves it when the paps snag a celeb sans face paint! It's kind of freaking me out that her hair, skin and eyes are all the same shade. 

According to DListed, Jessica told Allure that she's simply too HAWT to get good roles these days: Jessica said, "Yeah, it really is a problem. I have to be blunt. I'm in there with everybody else, fighting for the good parts. Yes, The Illusionist has made a difference -- but a huge, massive difference, so I can pick and choose what I want? No. I just want an opportunity. If you don't like the audition, don't hire me! But if you don't want to even see me -- that's hurtful. And why? You know nothing about me!"

Aw shucks, Jess. I've got a GREAT idea! We could trade! 

Ladies and Gentlemen, We Have An Oxy-Mormon!

How's that for a new term?

This week, Marie Osmond spoke to Entertainment Tonight in support of her lesbian daughter Jessica:

"I think it's sad when we have to separate something from society. Whether it's, 'Oh you're Jewish,' and then it was 'Oh you're a Mormon,' or 'Oh you're gay.' I love real people," she explains. "A lot of women out there have gay children. Who cares? I want love. I'm a Christian and Christ loved everybody."

AIDS Walk!

Granted my "mange foot" (thanks Mr. Pink!) was acting up so I didn't "go all the way," but I beat the curse three years running and actually made it out to walk the walk bitches! 

What's more, my team The Buttered Rolls raised a whopping $2,510.00! Here we are, minus photog Pink, at the fountain meeting spot. Now don't give me shit for my pasty pallor.  It still amazes me that I woke up 30 minutes before this picture was taken. And I managed to shower! Thanks SO MUCH to those of you who donated for your staunch show of support!

Hag About Brooklyn

I had the great fortune of meeting Mr. Out About Brooklyn at the Brooklyn Blogfest a few weeks ago, and lo and behold, we've formed an unholy alliance. Once a month right around the 1st, yours truly will appear on Out About Brooklyn to dish about our fair city's goings on and offer her sage advice about all matters inter- or extra- personal to all you gals and gays out there. Tune in! This is going to be GOOD!

Ta ta to your ta tas!

xx

MC

Rande's Randy!

Heidi Hos,

Ready for some hot steamy goss? Pull your pants down, 'cos here it comes!

Rande's Randy!

According to E! Online, Cindy Crawford's handsome hubby Rande Gerber, who owns celebrity watering holes and other hotspots in more than a dozen cities, has been sued by two former employees for sexual harassment!

A pair of women who once worked as waitresses at the Gerber Group's Moonstone Lounge at the Hard Rock Hotel in San Diego, Calif., filed suit against the company and its namesake in March, saying they were fired after refusing Gerber's and other staffers' advances.

One of the plaintiffs claims that, on one night in 2008, Gerber tried to kiss her three times and then put his hand up her dress in an attempt to reach between her legs!

Oooooh, that's naughty! Whatsa matter, Randy Rande? Cindy stop spreadin' for you?  

What a dumb ass. Everyone knows you shouldn't shit where you eat. Or in this case, don't eat where you shit.

Blow Job Blind

This one's from the NY Daily News: Which closeted TV icon should be more careful about whom he dates? He has been squiring an infamous gay bartender around town, and everyone’s noticing?

*Cough* Anderson? Bueller? Bueller? 

Is Twitter for Twits?

Nielsen says maybe. In this article on Internet News, Nielsen Online Vice President David Martin pointed to Facebook and MySpace at comparable stages in their development. Both enjoyed retention rates twice that of Twitter's, and continue to see user loyalty increase.

Phew! Call me old school, but I find it mighty disheartening having to take another two seconds that I don't have to broadcast every piss I take.  

Hey! Why don't they invent an interactive console that hangs off your toilet roll? Then you can Twitter on the shitter!

The Gay Dance Will Be Choreographed. And It Will Be Good.

A Gaythering Storm from Jane Lynch

Check out this hilarious mock anti-gay marriage video, 

paid for by God and Doctors. Um, who knew that 

useless slut Sophia Bush was a hag? 

New Hampshire is working to legalize gay marriage this week, but with the gains come some heartwrenching losses...

In Memoriam

Gays 'round the world are donning black schmatas in honor of the passing of Emmy and Tony award winning actress Bea Arthur last week.  She passed at home in Los Angeles, surrounded by family at age 86, after battling cancer.

Her deep voice, towering demeanor and impeccable timing charmed fans for decades.

I remember watching Maude as a kid. I didn't exactly get the double entendres and edgy subject matter, but I did finally get an active example of what Fred Flintstone meant when he said, "Droll. Very droll." The woman worked droll into a legacy.

Bea, your delivery will often be imitated, but never succeeded.

R.I.P.

Michael Palermo  1965 - 2009

Words cannot capture my sadness about the sudden, unexpected passing of my buddy, New Hampshire resident Michael Palermo. 

My heart is broken for my dear friend, his brother Alex, Michael's daughter Stephanie, and all his friends and family. 

Hug your peeps tight. Because you just never know.

Sponsore Moi on the AIDS Walk! Only Two Weeks Left!

Alright bitches, if I'm getting my ass out of bed at 7am on the one night of the year I get to sleep away from someone demanding a bottle at fucking 4:30am, well, that deserves some cash. So sponsor me on the New York City AIDS Walk, coming up quick on Sunday May 17th. 

Click here to go to my donation page!

That's it for now, y'all. Rock the week!

xx

MC

The Power of Reinvention

Happy Friday Hos!

Let's kick off this week's reinvention-themed gossfest with a lil' before and after...

Revered Thespian to Reality Show Host

What in the name of all that is righteous under the law happened to my main man Rupert Everett? This remarkable transformation was featured in Star Magazine this week. 

Um, I'd say remarkable is an appropriate term.

Now, I've loved this bitch since high school, when he boldly played a hawt gay prep-school boy in his first big flick, Another Country. 

WTF? He pulled a reverse Meg Ryan and made his lips disappear! Did he specifically request Jeff Probst's face?

Dude, 50 = city miles. Save the $30gs and deal. It's called dignity, even if you already call South Beach home. 

And my darling, look on the bright side. You'll always have that lucrative gig voicing over the latest Pixar villain. Just know that no matter what you do to yourself, you'll always be a bitchy queen I bow to.

Gwyneth Throws Winona Under the Bus In The Name of Spiritual Evolution

Let's get past the imminent need for blotting papers a second.

Demonstrating how evolved we should aspire to be, Gwyneth Paltrow blogged extensively about how gossip is poison to the spirit -- while throwing "frenemy" Winona Rider under the bus with this tasty blind.

LOL! Nothing like a slap and a kiss all at once. Show us how it's done Gwynnie! Please? 

Good News for NY!

According to the New York Daily News, Gov. Paterson introduced legislation Thursday to legalize gay marriage in New York state - to raucous applause from lawmakers and advocates.

"The time has come to act," said Paterson, joined in his Manhattan office by Mayor Bloomberg. "The time has come to bring marriage equality to the state of New York."

Holla! But I'm sure all you savvy bitches are well aware of these good doings by now.

and finally, in the spirit of our Power of Reinvention post...we present:

Lindsey Lohan's EHarmony Video!

Lindsay Lohan's eHarmony Profile from Lindsay Lohan

Whatever her current state, you've got to give her points for the ability to mock herself.

That's it for now, bitches. Spring on!

xx

MC